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News

Wishing You A Very Merry Christmas

On behalf of everybody at the Ibizan we wish all of our readers a very merry Christmas and a happy, prosperous, New Year. For those spending the holidays in Ibiza we have compiled an 8 page Christmas section including basic TV listings for those who miss the ritual of marking up the Radio Times. We have also printed the Christmas sports fixtures  including  key race cards so that your boxing day morning can be spent as it should be, with the best Bubble & Squeak of the year and picking your winners. For the many in our number who have returned to the UK and Ireland to be with family, and to all those relaxing in South East Asia or working in ski resorts, we are sure you will still find plenty in the local life and events of interest, but we take no responsibility for the consequences of anybody  using  the cracker jokes. Finally for our online readership, we had not forgotten you and I am pleased to confirm we are back up and running after some technologically trying times (more about that elsewhere). Wherever you are and however you read the Ibizan, the fact you do so makes you part of that very special bond of people connected to this very special place. Let us think of each other when we raise a glass on New Year’s eve, and wish for 2015 to be the best of years for Ibiza and us all..

Thank you for your support, and in a year of considerable development, sometimes your patience.

Best Wishes

Nick Gibbs, Editor

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 Port allocated 12.5 million €

The Board of Directors of the port authority of Balearic Islands (PAB) has approved the budget for next year, which includes an investment of 27.8 million € in the five main Balearic ports.

Ibiza will receive the most investment in 2015 with a forecast of 12.5 million €, more than both Palma at 9.3 million € and Maó which receives 2.7 million €. The bulk of the budget is allocated to the adaptation and improvement of the South docks at a cost of 7 million The commercial docks will benefit from a 4.4 million € investment and 2.5 million € has been allocated to extend the Botafoch jetty to handle the arrival of large cruise ships.

Attempted Murder.

This week, a 42 year old man from Madrid, who lives on the island, was sent to prison, charged with attempted murder after stabbing a 19 year old man during a brawl outside a bar in the Siesta Urbanisation near Santa Eulalia. The fight started after an argument in the bar spilled out on to the terrace. Stabbing the victim twice, the arrested man tried to hide out from the authorities for a week as well as trying to get off the island so as to return to Madrid before he was finally detained. The injured man needed surgery for his injuries at hospital.

Forest clearance Ends

The president of the Ibiza Consell Vicent Serra, has made a personal visit to inspect the forestry works that have been undertaken in recent months. The project has been funded by the Consell on the advice of Ibanat. The clearance falls within the scope of the implementation plan on the prevention of fire risk to housing estates, beaches and areas of interest considered to be at high risk of fire. The areas of land cleared are in Sant Miquel, 1.76 acres; in Cala Carbo, 1.21 and Cala Mastella, 0.20 hectares. At a total cost of 17,900€, the work included clearing vegetation at 25 metre fire breaks.

Equinac & Mar Blava unite

The Mar Blava Alliance has announced that the Association Equinac have joined their organisation to “actively collaborate together in the protection of the bio-diversity of the Mediterranean”.

Equinac is a non profit, non governmental organisation, working directly in the recovery and conservation of turtles and other marine life on the coast of Almeria. Their work includes the rescue of wounded marine life, their recovery and reintroduction into the wild. They also provide water samples for statistical analysis in the ecological standing of the marine environment.

Cetis bus station re-opening “lacks Consell’s desire“

The management of Cetis bus station have lamented that there was no “desire” among the authorities to re-open the facility. They further announced that due to significant losses as a result of the closure they are currently evaluating damages to be claimed against the city authorities.

In a written statement the management company stated that in the year the bus station has been closed there have been several meetings with the Consell but no progress towards re-opening has been made. The statement continued that whilst the company were aware that their claim for recompense would be a serious problem for Ibiza town they “cannot absorb the damage caused by the closure any longer”.

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Airport road costs us another half million

The Balearic Superior Justice Court (TSJIB) has ordered the Balearic government to pay 510,000€ to contractors Access de Ibiza reflecting the interest due on late payments.

The decision relates to the government delaying due payments to the company in 2011 and 2012 for technical and maintenance works on the access road to Ibiza airport.

The 25 year contract was signed in 2005. There is no appeal against the Superior Justice Court’s decision, and so tax payers are left to foot the bill.

Re-development of  Sa Penya

Further details of the Sa Penya redevelopment under ordinance UA-27 have been revealed. The plan includes provision for a new hostel, pedestrian square, municipal facilities, 12 subsidised housing units, ‘viviendas de protección oficial (VPO)’, and a bakery using a traditional oven. The scheme will retain original features wherever possible. Ibiza town Councillor for Culture Lina Sansano described the Sa Penya district as “one of the most beautiful in the city” when detailing this further step forward  towards rejuvenation of the long neglected and often maligned streets within the walls of the Dalt Vila.

As reported yesterday the heritage commission favoured option 1 of the two schemes presented, the main difference being that the preferred scheme preserves building 35 located at the end of Carrer Alt. The street will be repaired as required and a small square appended to the Carrer Retir. The building will be utilised as a small guest house which will be open all year as part of efforts to attract tourism into Sa Penya. Historic bakery fittings including the original oven in number 22, Carrer Retir have been recovered and hope the artisan bakery will also prove an attraction to tourists.

Port security agreement

The Balearic Port Authority (APB) and the Consell de Formentera have signed a collaboration agreement encompassing fire, rescue and civil protection for the port or La Savina. The 15 year plan ratified by APB President Alberto Pons and Consell President Jaume Ferrer includes the provision of a new fire engine within two years. The APB will also provide 20,000€ a year to fund resources and staff training of fire fighters in Formentera, and a single payment of 10,000€ for new emergency equipment.

New Law To Boost Tourism

  • Lighthouses be allowed to be converted into tourist accommodation subject to strict rules regarding the preservation of their architectural integrity and historical features.
  • Drafting of detailed zoning plans for the provision of all inclusive accommodation, and private rented accommodation.
  • ‘Madura’ tourist town funding and subsidy classification.

New composite legislation has been announced by the Balearic Government across a range of issues in the tourism industry. San Antonio has already achieved the madura (consolidated) classification which among various benefits allows businesses in the borough to gain the tax advantages we reported last week if they open for more than 6 months per year. The scheme also gives  the town preferential access to EU and Spanish government funding.

Abdication Publicity Stunt? You Can Bet On It

  • Nick Gibbs

Following a flurry of betting interest Coral bookmakers have suspended betting on the Queen announcing her abdication in this year’s Christmas Day broadcast.

Wednesday’s betting ‘rush’ began with a £200 bet, followed by several smaller bets in quick succession. The bookmaker said the queries were “so specific” and so close together that it smelled a rat. It had offered odds of 10-1 on the Queen abdicating during the Christmas message.

The speech to the nation has already been pre-recorded by the BBC, leading to suspicions that people with inside knowledge from Buckingham Palace or the TV camera crew, might have acted on leaked information.

Speaking for the bookmaker their head of marketing said “Throughout the year there has been major speculation about the Queen’s future but today’s gamble has really (etc etc, I can’t even be bothered to finish writing it) blah blah … decided to suspend betting.”

A Royal source was quoted in the Daily Telegraph as saying  “If the Queen was going to make a major announcement, she wouldn’t do it in a pre-recorded speech that is shown in the South Pacific Commonwealth realms several hours before it is shown here. “It would mean the end of her reign would officially be announced in Tuvalu, rather than in London. So no, it’s not true.”

editorial comment 

I hope the people of Tuvalu are not too offended at the inference they are less important to the commonwealth than Her Majesty’s cockney subjects, but regardless of logistics I’d be surprised if such information would be entrusted to the confidence of the smug sycophants with 2nd class degree in media studies that comprise most of the BBCs production companies. I shouldn’t tar them all but having lived in Camden for a year recently that was my experience, and I have no less that Alan Partridge in my camp on that one. Plus it would be a pretty weird day to announce it surely? For passionate monarchists it would be akin to parents choosing to divorce on Christmas day, that may happen in the Queen Vic, but I don’t think we need consider the Queen sick. (sorry, a terrible ’cracker joke quality’ play on words).

So is this very clever publicity/promotion, or dishonest to the point of being unethical? People will have different opinions but whether right or wrong our Ibiza lives bombarded with every conceivable marketing and promotion technique make it so much easier to spot Coral’s move for what it surely is – incredibly cheap, effectively free of charge, global publicity. Carried by all the UK print and television news channels, a quick check found it to be run by press in the U.S. and Australia etc. too.

It would be a little more credible were Coral risking a loss into six figures. The bet that caused the suspension was £200 at 10/1, and “several smaller bets”. If we assume £500 that is a total risk of £5,000. How much would that much  worldwide publicity cost in paid advertising?  Many, many times that.

During the summer we had Snoop Dog’s ‘cancellation   scare’, that resulted in his being the most talked about Ibiza arrival for many years. One of Ibiza’s clubs seems to be ‘definitely closing this year’ pretty well every year I’ve lived here. – news that I am sure gets quite a few more people through their doors as being the last chance.

The 28th December is the Spanish equivalent of April Fool’s Day. A good opportunity for anybody out there who fancies a go at playing that game, but is it ultimately beneficial?  To me it just makes them look a little cheap and tacky, with a fairly cynical view of the public, their client’s, intelligence.

It may be however that I  just have a downer on Coral from an earlier ‘issue’. Browsing the sports section on the train to see newly promoted Ipswich play Charlton in 2000. I noticed that Coral had given Ipswich’s odds of winning the premiership at 10,000 to 1. All the other bookies had given us a far from confidence inspiring 1,000 to 1, but 10,000? The damn cheek of it. I am not a betting man, once or twice a year keeping Simon company in Joe Spoons, but such was the offence I called and placed £10 each way knowing we were way better than that. So did several friends over the next week or two. The outcome was that several of us went into the penultimate game of the season  on course to win the each way return – in my case £30,000 for my £10 stake. Did our flurry of betting activity have the number crunchers at Coral sweating as they watched our previous year’s matches on video? The bet was not without foundation. Having been watching the second best Ipswich team I’ve seen in 40 years, and without the only-way-to-stop-them-is-hacking of the championship, we thrived, ended up in the Uefa cup and one win from the Champion’s  League. If they were worried at their exposure they would have reduced the odds to at least that of the other minnows – just viewing the DVD of the previous season called high 5 as we won 4 matches on the trot by 5 goals would have told them they got it way wrong. I know there are differences but in the mathematical head of a bookie the issue is the same. Had Ipswich Town carried the same importance as the Queen, and  outside of the Robson era that would seem unreasonable to expect, we might have found them closing our book.

So why print their story if I consider it a cheap stunt? Simple really. First, as I suspect you have already guessed, it gave me the thinnest of excuses to harp on about Ipswich. Second, in looking into the story I came across the cover photo of the Queen which I thought would make for a splendid and fitting image for the front page of our first Christmas edition.

After 3 weeks of covers depicting Christmas trees from San An, Ibiza and Santa Eulalia, we have not been able to find anything (of high enough resolution) from San Joan, Sant Josep or Formentera. I did try with one of Cat Milton’s from her Sunday visit to Can Horse, but I think my quick addition of some Photoshop festiveness to her Little Donkey may be as obvious as the join we’ll see on Brucey’s wig Thursday.

The Royalists out there will love this week’s cover, and those of  Republican leaning may take comfort knowing the Queen was being compared side by side to a donkey.

So in summary, God Save the Queen, and C’mon Ipswich.

Bob Marley honoured in renaming of  gardens

The Jamaican musician Bob Marley (1945-1981) has formed part of the streets of Ibiza. The Council have changed the name of the gardens located next to the plaza de Es Pratet following a proposal by the Association of neighbourhood residents. The gardens are located on the same site as the old bull ring, and where Marley gave a concert on 28 June 1978, which is legendary for Spanish fans of Reggae music.

Emblematic Montesol Could Be Luxury Hotel.

Rental law changes, which come into play on the 1st January, signify that the present rental contract for the emblematic and centrally located Montesol Hotel and Cafeteria on Vara del Rey finishes and the hotel returns back to the owners for the first time in many, many years! Originally known as The Gran Hotel Ibiza, the establishment was opened in 1933 by the owners, the Villagómez family. During the Civil War the army took the premises over and afterwards the tourist authorities rented the building, reopening it again as a hotel. It is this contract and the subsequent sub-contracting to third parties which finally finishes in the New Year. The Owners are determined to take back control and, with new partners who are offering to participate, open a Hotel and restaurant to the highest of standards making the Montesol once more a flag ship for the Town of Ibiza. They will have to respect the historic protection orders which exist for the building and are anxious to let it be known that they have nothing to do with the last company running the hotel and cafeteria or the alleged labor problems which exit between the personal and the last company renting the building.

Palladium Group Open Hard Rock Hotel in Tenerife.

The Ibicencan owned Palladium Hotel Group are to soon open a second Hard Rock Hotel in Tenerife. It will have 637 rooms distributed in two towers connected by swimming pools, restaurants, bars and other recreational installations inside the complex. As always music, luxury and service are going to be the key elements of the Hard Rock experience now opening in Tenerife after the success of the concept here in Ibiza.

(The Vote for Your Voice campaign has received attention in the Spanish press this week following an announcement by the Socialist PSOE party. We reprint the article here in it’s original wording.

Foreign residents encouraged to vote by PSOE

  • But the Guiris say they didn’t wait to be asked.

The FSE-PSOE has said foreign residents residing in Ibiza should be encouraged to vote in the 2015 municipal elections. Stating that foreigners represent around 25% of the total census of Ibiza they have criticised the lack of a campaign to encourage their vote.

Whilst their interest is bound to be appreciated in the ex-pat community, albeit rather late  given that the deadline for registration is 30th December, they will be pleased to know that the estranjeros did not need to be invited.

Non-Spanish residents have a very strong interest in participating in Ibiza’s democratic process and for several months have been campaigning within their own communities to encourage voter registration. Initially conceived by a small group of British ex-pats in San Antonio, the campaign has grown to gain widespread support throughout Ibiza’s municipalities. Among several initiatives British businessmen Martin Makepeace and Nathan Viva have held weekly sign up sessions at council offices to assist new voters in the registration process and Jade Gandey has carried the message to the dispersed English speakers in the North. Speaking of the campaign’s success Author and Businessman Colin Butts said “the response has been fantastic, it goes to show the level of interest amongst those of us who call Ibiza home“. English newspaper the Ibizan has promoted the initiative with features on the voter registration process and issues affecting non Spanish residents. For more information go to

http://theibizan.com/communityandadvice/vote-voice-ibiza/

Last Call to Register!

The deadline for voter registration is 30th December – If you have not yet registered you need to be quick.

Offshore Oil Update

  • Serra to meet Secretary of State for the Environment

Ibiza Consell President Vicent Serra is to meet with the Secretary of State of environment, Federico Ramos de Armas, on January 8th. Serra says he will reiterate Ibiza’s  institutional, social and business opposition to offshore oil exploration. “We have held a very clear stance from the outset in relation to surveys, authorized in 2010 by a Socialist Government,” he said. “We are against exploration and welcome the support of all those who have joined us in the campaign.”

  • Balearic Senators Revolt

Causing up roar within the Madrid Central Government Energy Ministry, the three PP Conservative Senators from the Balearic Islands, José Sala, Lorenzo Bosch and María Antonia Grau, voted in favour of a PSOE Socialist minority parliamentary  proposal to stop offshore oil exploration in the Balearic seas.

It is the second time since May that the three Senators have ignored their party whip and voted with the opposition. Though the proposal was easily defeated in Parliament as was envisaged, their essentially symbolic stance certainly had the desired effect of ruffling some feathers in the corridors of power. The Energy Ministry  fiercely criticised their revolt however Balearic President of the PP Conservatives, José Ramón Bauzá, publicly supported the Senators’ actions stating that  “their votes represented the opinion of the local people.”

Tyre thief fails to keep low profile?

A thief was detained by police after he stole four tyres and hubs from a vehicle parked in the airport car park. The owners returned to their car to find no wheels and reported the incident to the police who, after a short investigation, apprehended the thief who  they spotted trying to smuggle the tyres through security under his clothing. Admitting his crime the man claimed to have a problem rubber fetish.

We understand the man has been sent for re-alignment.

(come on, that’s not bad!)

Christmas Wishes

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Christmas Special

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Navidad

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The Three Kings

  • Nicole Torres

Epiphany is celebrated on 6th January. This is the twelfth night after Christmas. In Spanish, Epiphany is called ‘Fiesta de Los Reyes Magos’: in English this means ‘The festival of the Magic Kings’. Epiphany celebrates when the three Kings or Wise men brought gifts to the baby Jesus.

Children have some presents on Christmas Day, but most are opened at Epiphany. Some children believe that the Kings bring presents to them at Epiphany. They write letters to the Kings on Boxing Day, December 26th, asking for toys and presents. And on Epiphany Eve (January 5th) they leave shoes on windowsills or balconies or under the Christmas Tree to be filled with presents. Gifts are often left by children for the Kings, a glass of Cognac for each King, a satsuma and some walnuts. Sometimes a bucket of water is left for the camels that bring the Kings! If the children have been bad, the Kings might leave pieces of coal made out of sugar in the presents!

Some big towns and cities have Epiphany Parades with each King having a big float that is shaped like a camel. Sometimes there are also real camels in the parade. The Three Kings in the Spanish Epiphany are:

Gaspar, who has brown hair and a brown beard (or no beard!) and wears a green cloak and a gold crown with green jewels on it. He is the King of Sheba. Gaspar represents the Frankincense brought to Jesus. Frankincense is sometimes used in worship in Churches and showed that people worship Jesus.

Melchor, who has long white hair and a white beard and wears a gold cloak. He is the King of Arabia. Melchor represents the Gold brought to Jesus. Gold is associated with Kings and Christians believe that Jesus is the King of Kings.

Balthazar, who has black skin and a black beard (or no beard!) and wears a purple cloak. He is the King of Tarse and Egypt. Balthazar represents the gift of Myrrh that was brought to Jesus. Myrrh is a perfume that is put on dead bodies to make them smell nice and showed that Jesus would suffer and die.

Kings’ Arrivals

Monday 5th January

6pm to Santa Eularia.

6pm to Cala de Bou.

6.30pm to Ibiza Town.

6.30pm to Sant Antoni.

7pm to Sant Miquel.

7.30pm to Sant Carles.

8pm to Santa Gertrudis.

8pm to Sant Josep.

8pm to Sant Jordi.

8pm to Sant Agustí.

Tuesday 6th January

11.30am to Puig d’en Valls.

12.30pm to Jesus.

7pm to Es Cubells.

7pm to Sant Joan.

7pm to Sant Llorenç.

Christmas View From The Pew

  • Peter Pimentel, Chaplain

For most of my life I simply took it for granted that Jesus’ name was Jesus! It is very odd I suppose that most Christians possibly do think that too. But Jesus was an Israeli Jew – a first century rabbi who spoke Hebrew and Aramaic and, naturally, he had a Hebrew name. His name in Hebrew was (and is) pronounced Yeshua.

Judaism at the time of Jesus (and henceforth) was thoroughly monotheistic. The belief that the God of Israel was the one and only God was foundational to Jesus and his disciples. The worship of anything other than the one God would have been unthinkable and utterly blasphemous.

That important fact brings us to the heart of Christmas. Early Christian documents demonstrate that very soon after the death of Jesus, Hebrew and Aramaic speaking communities were worshipping Jesus as God alongside and with the God of Israel. How could this unimaginable state of affairs have come about?

There is at this present time a very lively debate amongst scholars and historians of early Christianity trying to answer that question. The consensus emerging from the ivory towers is that there must have been an amazing experience (with Jesus at the very centre) at the origins of Christianity.

The origin of the universe is often explained by a big-bang from which our space-time universe emerged. (The big bang is God!). So, too, there must have been a big-bang (an incredible experience) at the birth of Christianity. There are many clues in Early Christian documents as to what that experience consisted of. For example: “a peace that passes all understanding” and “an inexpressible joy full of glory” and as “the love of God filling the heart” and as “signs and wonders” of the Holy Spirit.

May it be that this year we have something of that experience in our own lives this Christmas.

Church Services – 

Wed 24th Dec. 23:30h

 Santa Eulalia Chapel of Lourdes  Christmas Midnight Communion

Thu 25th Dec. 09:00h

Christmas Day

San Rafael Church

Sunday 28th Dec. 11:00h

Santa Eulalia.

Christmas Eve

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From the Ajuntamentos …

Sant Antoni

On Christmas Eve the Midnight Mass will be at 8pm.

Santa Eularia

Theatre

On Christmas Eve at Teatro España ‘La Magia de la Navidad’ (The Magic of Christmas) with the magician Albert and a visit from Santa Claus, free entrance.

Midnight Mass services:

7pm in Sant Carles, midnight in Puig d’en Valls, Puig de Missa (Santa Eularia), Santa Gertrudis, and Nuestra Señora de Jesus.

You can find the official programme at

http://www.santaeulariadesriu.net/

Sant Jordi de ses Salines

On Christmas Eve at midnight there is Midnight Mass followed by a Salsa degustation.

Es Cubells

On Christmas Eve there will be Midnight Mass.

Christmas Eve Party At The Ship.

Special Guest DJs, Free Festive Fayre Buffet, and the big question, will she be there? Alfredo said he was in the chair if she wasn’t.*

* no he didn’t

Anyone For A Spot Of Mumming?

  • ‘Mumming’ ~ Christmas Crossdressing,

This medieval tradition from England involves cross dressing, getting drunk, singing, dancing, and became corrupted by criminals. Remind you of anywhere?

Mumming is an ancient pagan custom that was an excuse for people to have a party at Christmas. It means ‘making diversion in disguise’. The tradition was that men and women would swap clothes, put on masks and go visiting their neighbours, singing, dancing or putting on a play with a silly plot. The leader or narrator of the mummers was always dressed as Father Christmas.

The custom of Mumming might go back to Roman times, when people used to dress up for parties at New Year. It is thought that in the UK it was first done on St. Thomas’s day or the shortest day of the year.

Different types of entertainments were used in different parts of the UK.

In parts of Durham, Yorkshire and Devon a special sword dance was performed. There were also different names for mumming around the UK too. In Scotland it was known as ‘Gusards’ in Somerset, ‘Mumping’, in Warwickshire or ‘Thomasing’ and ‘Corning’ in Kent.

In Medieval times, it had turned into an excuse for people to go begging and committing crimes. It became so bad that Henry VIII, made a law saying that anyone that caught mumming wearing a mask would be put in prison for three months!

One poem recited whilst mumming is still well known today (though the beef has been replaced with goose:-

Christmas is coming, the beef is getting fat,

Please drop a penny in the old mans hat.

What’s On The Box Santa?

Today I recommend “The Incredible Adventures of Professor Branestawm”

Harry Hill takes the title role of the absent-minded inventor, who is oblivious to the chaos caused by his ridiculous creations when they go wrong – which is more often than not. Luckily, his long-suffering housekeeper Miss Flittersnoop and dim-but-loyal best friend Colonel Dedshott are on hand to make sure he doesn’t blow himself to smithereens..

BBC1 8:30pm Christmas Eve

Christmas Day

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TV Guide

Eastenders, 9pm BBC1. Christmas gets off to a great start for the Carters, Mick gets a special present from Linda. Dean turns up, drunk and threatening to drop a bombshell. Could the day get any worse?

Coronation Street, 80m, ITV, Amy and Tony are taken aback by how much Steve has spent on presents and food, while Michelle misreads his signals and tries to kiss him, and Tracy grabs Tony under the mistletoe.

You’ve probably seen them all a dozen times, but Christmas wouldn’t be the same without classic comedy. Only Fools tops the tree with no less than 9 episodes over 3 of the channels we have listed. From the variety of Morcambe and Wise through to the cringe worthy Knowing Me Knowing Yule from Alan Partridge, if there is nothing to make you laugh today, you might have a problem.

Downton Abbey. 9pm ITV

It is the early autumn of 1924 and Rose’s father-in-law Lord Sinderby has rented Brancaster Castle in Northumberland and invited the Crawleys to a grouse-shooting party. However, the Sinderbys’ butler Stowell has an axe to grind and a scandalous secret threatens to derail the holiday. Back at Downton, the servants hold the fort and unlikely later-life romances abound, while Bates takes drastic measures to clear Anna’s name as she faces an uncertain future behind bars.

Strictly Come Dancing, 5pm BBC1

Bruce Forsyth is back alongside Tess Daly as six memorable contestants return to compete for the Christmas trophy. The line-up includes two previous winners – Olympic gymnast Louis Smith, and TV presenter Chris Hollins. They’ll be up against each other and four other Strictly veterans – actress Lisa Riley, singer Sophie Ellis-Bextor, S Club 7’s Rachel Stevens and astrologer Russell Grant. Can Russell possibly top the 2011 entrance that saw him fired out of a cannon?

The Queen, 3pm BBC1 and ITV, 5pm BBC2

Christmas Fact: George V read the first Royal Christmas Message in 1932. The broadcast was introduced from Sandringham by 65-year-old Walton Handy, a local shepherd, with carols from the church choir and the bells ringing from the town church, and reached an estimated 20 million people in Australia, Canada, India, Kenya, South Africa, and the UK. Inset, the first televised speech in 1957.

Arthur Christmas, 6pm, Channel 4

Premiere. Santa Claus’ gift-giving routine has developed into a complex hi-tech operation. However, when one girl is accidentally missed out, his youngest son Arthur takes control of the family sleigh to deliver her gifts the old-fashioned way – but following in his father’s footsteps is not as easy as it looks. Animated comedy.

Eastenders, 9pm BBC1. Christmas gets off to a great start for the Carters, Mick gets a special present from Linda. Dean turns up, drunk and threatening to drop a bombshell. Could the day get any worse?

Coronation Street, 80m, ITV, Amy and Tony are taken aback by how much Steve has spent on presents and food, while Michelle misreads his signals and tries to kiss him, and Tracy grabs Tony under the mistletoe.

Christmas Survival Guide With Santa’s Little Helper ~ He’s A Cheeky Little Fella

Q. How long do I cook a Turkey for?

If you have to ask that question there are only two ways you can cook it. Far too long or far too little.

If you cook it far too long your guests will be polite and comment on how moist it is. As soon as anyone says that you know it’s been a disaster, and they will be cough on your bone dry destruction for weeks. They are not drinking all your wine for it’s quality, it’s a matter of survival.

If you cook it far too little things can get far more interesting. It’s not all bad news, I sometimes do it on purpose to get rid of boring guests – they can’t make it to the door fast enough bless there little souls with their behinds all clenched up together tight.

The best thing if you need to impress is to practice on your family first, especially if you have young children as they find it nigh on impossible to commence legal proceedings. My top tip is this; always get a takeaway a night or two before you are cooking the big bird. That way any unpleasantness can be blamed on them. Good luck, and if at all possible stay alive. Here are some times I found for you.

Approximate Roasting Times for Stuffed Turkey

Turkey Weight                   Hours

6 to 8 pounds                     3 to 3-1/2 hours

8 to 12 pounds     3-1/2 to 4-1/2 hours

12 to 16 pounds  4-1/2 to 5-1/2 hours

16 to 20 pounds  5-1/2 to 6 hours

20 to 24 pounds  6 to 6-1/2 hours

Approximate Roasting Times for Unstuffed Turkey

Turkey Weight                   Hours

6 to 8 pounds                    2-1/2 to 3 hours

8 to 12 pounds     3 to 4 hours

12 to 16 pounds  4 to 5 hours

16 to 20 pounds  5 to 5-1/2 hours

20 to 24 pounds  5-1/2 to 6 hours

Q. I don’t like the perfume my husband bought me. What can I do?

Not so tricky as you might think. The best thing to do with his rancid discount juice is tip it away down the toilet, then refill the bottle with the scent your boyfriend or work admirer bought you. Chance are he’ll have spent more on something better as unlike your husband he hasn’t become unutterably bored of you.

If your husband asks what that aroma emanating from the toilet pan is, just tell him it’s woman troubles and you won’t hear another peep. To really push the advantage home why not give him some of your cold turkey in a sandwich. He’ll have plenty of time to smell his perfume then.

Well it’s our rush time in the workshop now so I’d better be on my way. Perhaps I’ll see you again next year.

SLH 

Cracker Jokes

What do you get if you cross a bell with a skunk?

Jingle Smells!

What do you call a bunch of chess players bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer!

What’s green, covered in tinsel and goes ribbet ribbet?

Mistle-toad!

Why is it getting harder to buy Advent calendars?

Because their days are numbered!

Boxing Day

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Cracker Jokes

What did the stamp say to the Christmas card?

Stick with me and we’ll go places!

Why did no one bid for Rudolph and Blitzen on eBay?

Because they were two deer!

What does the Queen call her Christmas Broadcast?

The One Show!

What did Father Christmas do when he went speed dating?

He pulled a cracker!

Why don’t you ever see Father Christmas in hospital?

Because he has private elf care!

How did Mary and Joseph know that Jesus was 7lb 6oz when he was born?

They had a weigh in a manger!

What do Santa’s little helpers learn at school?

The elf-abet!

Racing

Today’s big race is the King George at Kempton 3.10pm live on Channel 4. (televised races start at 1.45). The Horse that made the race it’s pwn Kato Star ahd a presentation run out during the week.

It looks like as wide-open a staging of jump racing’s King George VI Chase as there has been for a bit, jockey Ruby Walsh, looking for his sixth win after five on the great Kauto Star, has two words to describe jump racing’s William Hill-sponsored mid-season championship: “Bloody competitive.”

Walsh’s mount Champagne Fever, trained in Ireland by Willie Mullins, has lack of steeple chasing experience and stamina for the three-mile distance to prove, with the former a more likely stumbling block.

He is ranked second favourite behind last year’s winner Silviniaco Conti, who, with Al Ferof, attempts to add to champion trainer Paul Nicholls’ record haul of eight King George victories, five of them also with Kauto Star.

Both horses turn up in apparently very good form, ‘Silviniaco’, after a November success at Haydock over fellow Kempton big-race challengers Menorah, Dynaste and Cue Card.Al Ferof, last year’s third, who prefers the going on the drier side, made a superb return from an absence at Ascot, also in November, and given his conditions can be expected to play a major role.

Tom ScudamoreMenorah, a stellar mount for Tom O’Brien in place of the suspended Richard Johnson, has been magnificent this season with a good win at Wetherby followed by that gallant second behind Silviniaco Conti.

Football

Todays televised matches are

Chelsea vs West Ham (Sky Sports, 12.45pm)

Manchester Utd vs Newcastle Utd (BT 3pm)

Arsenal vs QPR (BT 5.30pm)

Watford v Wolves5.30pm

Also Rugby

Newport Gwent Dragons v Cardiff Blues  BBC

Boxing Day Party @ Pikes

From 8pm until late with children welcome until 1am. Boxing Day buffet 10€ served between 8pm and midnight. There’ll be a family movie in Chez Fez between 8-10pm and kids karaoke with Sunny between 10pm and midnight. DJs include Bones, Big L and Mark Broadbent, Jo Woodall & more.

From the Ajuntamentos …

Santa Eularia Boxing Day at 12pm ¿Dónde está la Paloma? (Where is the pigeon?) is a magic show on at Teatro España, free entrance.

Sant Josep, Sant Agustí des Vedrà, Boxing Day there is charity bingo at 7pm and a wine competition at 9pm.

What’s On The Box Santa?

Today I recommend “Still Open All Hours”. Season 1 Episode 1 of 6

Last year’s one-off special revisited Granville 28 years on, and found that he’d not only inherited his uncle’s shop, but practically turned into him, with his happy-go-lucky son Leroy now whizzing around on the delivery bike, much like his dad had done decades before. BBC1 London 6:25pm Boxing Day

27-30th Dec, & 1st Jan On

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Night market, Calle de Virgen

  • Claire B

The International Night Market continues in Calle de Virgen and Plaza sa Drassaneta until December 31st from 8pm. In collaboration with the Ayuntamiento, local establishments are offering a variety of products and food for those who wants to see and try something different. The market is also collaborating with AMAE (Society of Visual Artists from Ibiza) situated at Plaça De Sa Drassaneta and will include artworks in the street and exhibitions.

Facebook: vecinoscalledelavirgen

https://www.facebook.com/Vecinoscalledelavirgen?fref=ts

Televised Football

Sunday 28 December:

Tottenham Hotspur vs Manchester United (BT Sport, 12pm)

Southampton vs Chelsea (Sky Sports, 2.05pm)

Newcastle United vs Everton (Sky Sports, 4.15pm)

Monday 29 December:

Liverpool vs Swansea City (Sky Sports, 8pm)

New Year’s Day – Thursday 1 January:

Stoke City vs Manchester United (Sky Sports, 12.45pm)

Manchester City vs Sunderland (BT Sport, 3pm)

Spurs  vs Chelsea (BT Sport, 5.30pm)

Live music in San Antonio

  • Claire B

Saturday December 27th sees four local rock bands playing in San Antonio in the Passeig de Ses Fonts from 8pm. MRC, Indulgentes, Magnum and Fortune are playing. Great for blowing away the Christmas cobwebs and dancing off some of the extra pounds accumulated over the festive season whilst supporting the island’s local bands. Free entrance.

Día de los Santos Inocentes (Day of the Innocent Saints – 28th December)

  • Nicole Torres

Well, this isn’t really a fiesta or national holiday, but it is a fun day. The 28th December, Día de los Santos Inocentes is the equivalent to our April Fools’ Day where people try and trick others into believing jokes and unbelievable stories. Television and radio stations often make the most of this day.

New Year’s Day (Año Nuevo – 1st January)

Well, the New Year (Año Nuevo) in Spain actually starts on 2nd January for many. That’s because the New Year’s Eve merriment continues all through the night and into mid-morning of 1st January. Many young people wake up in the evening!

What’s On The Box Santa?

Today I recommend “Top Gear Patagonia Special
The first half of a two-part special, the filming of which caused controversy in Argentina because of a registration plate that drew links to the Falklands War. Jeremy Clarkson, Richard Hammond and James May take three used V8-engined sports cars on a gruelling road trip covering 1,600 miles through Patagonia. BBC2 London 8:30pm Sat 27 Dec

And also the Editor’s favourite “Charlie Brooker’s 2014 Wipe”

The writer and broadcaster takes a satirical look back at the events of the past year, casting his eye over the news, film, TV and social media. Among the stories he reflects on are the ice-bucket challenge craze, Chris Martin and Gwyneth Paltrow’s marriage ending in what they called a `conscious uncoupling’ and the poppy installation at the Tower of London to mark the centenary of the outbreak of the First World War.

BBC2 London 10:00pm Tue 30 Dec

New Year’s Eve

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Noche Vieja (New Year’s Eve – 31st December)

Noche Vieja is a night to party and the Spanish do that in style. Most offices close at lunchtime and families kick off the celebrations with another meal all together. At midnight, it is traditional to watch the special televised event from the Puerta del Sol in Madrid leading up to midnight. At the stroke of midnight eating one grape for each chime of the bell, which represents the twelve months of the year, is considered to bring good luck for the forthcoming year.

Beverley Ibiza, New Year’s Eve Party

Offering an open bar party, for open minded people, they open at 11. It’s all about open.

Beverly, Port Des Torrent,

https://www.beverly-ibiza.com

Royal Plaza, New Year’s Eve Gala Dinner

If you are looking for a night of opulent indulgence the Royal Plaza is the perfect choice.

Their New Year’s Eve Gala Dinner includes an 8 Course Banquet with Fine Wines and Taittinger Champagne included in the price. Dance to live music til 3a.m. and then why keep the 4 star feeling going and take advantage of their fantastic deal on overnight accomodation with breakfast.  Gala Dinner 120€ p.p. Gala Dinner, Double Room & Breakfast 150€ p.p Junior Suite Upgrade +50€ p.p. Also see ad on front page.

https://www.royalplaza.es

Villa Mercedes, New Years Eve  Menu

Fantastic menu, all drink included until midnight and then there is that very special  Villa Mercedes service. What more could you ask for?

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Local Services

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The Far East

  • Two Old Rockers

Hearts Of Gold. Yes once again the people of Ibiza have shown just how generous they are. Despite finances being, shall we say a, little stretched, you still donated a total of 876,42€ (663.95 pounds) to this year’s British Legion Poppy Appeal. Thank you.

Let There Be Light. After weeks of badgering, or should that be Beryl-ing, Santa Eularia Town Hall have trebled the number of Christmas street decorations in Cala Llonga. We now have a total of three. Not quite Oxford Street but it’s better than nothing. Thank you Town Hall!

Christmas Wishes. As we’ve done for the last couple of years instead of handing out lots of Christmas cards we’ve made a donation to Care 4 Cats as we know that this charity is really struggling financially, so we’d like to take this opportunity to wish everyone a Merry Christmas and a Happy, Healthy and Prosperous 2015.

Tarotscope

ARIES – The Hierophant

This is a time to reflect the true meaning of the festive season. You’re willing to put others first and to reach out to those who you’ve lost contact with, or loved ones who miss hearing from you. The giving of your time is as important as what you can gift to others. Renew your faith in life and others.

TAURUS – The Magician

A magical time is promised for you this festive season, filled with love, laughter and the company of those you really care for. If you look back over the past few weeks you’ll see how much has changed. It’s not often opportunities fall from the sky, but as this year ends you can look forward to a few pleasant surprises.

GEMINI – Justice

It’s taken a while but you are now heading in the right direction. Old quarrels will soon be healed without loss of face, which enables all parties to move on. If you’re about to made a career change, you might want to take advice especially if it involves any partners. Others are keen to please you during the festive season.

CANCER – The Lovers

Even the most bah humbug amongst you will be hard pressed to keep up any grumpy behaviour during the holiday season. You’ll be overwhelmed and humbled by the amount of love shown to you by friends and family, making you quite misty eyed by the 25th of December. Where you spend your Christmas presents a difficult choice. Choose for love!

LEO – Transformation

Enjoy this festive season as you transform into the social butterfly that you truly are. There’s so much to look forward to in the weeks ahead that you’ll forget the trials and tribulations of the previous few months. Situations that served their purpose are on the way out. New people and new places hold the key to your future happiness.

VIRGO – The Wheel of Fortune

Your have the same card again which indicates you’ll be covering a lot of ground over the holiday season, as you try to keep everyone happy by doing most of the travel legwork. You bring festive cheer to all you come in contact with. Virgo’s put up emotional walls at times, but you really are one of the kindest signs!

LIBRA – Temperance

Everything in moderation, is a quote often bandied about and one you’d love to ignore this week as the holiday season kicks in. My advice; have a couple of days of healthy eating and drinking from the 27th and kick-start each day with a healthy, revitalising juice. That way you’ll be in tip top form for any New Year’s shenanigans!

SCORPIO – The Star

How appropriate to have The Star during the festive season; it too is guiding you to where you want to be in life. Your personal road ahead looks good; don’t be afraid to embrace the new, whether it’s a home, job or relationship. Be confident that the outcome to a particular scenario will be exactly all you could hope for.

SAGITTARIUS – The Fool

You love a good laugh and being the life and soul of any occasion, so this is usually one of the best times of the year for you to unleash your inner child! This year will be no exception so prepare to have a whale of a time; you are indeed the court jester! Try not to be reckless however.

CAPRICORN – Judgement

You might find you’re saddled with the dubious task of keeping the peace between friends and loved ones during the holidays; making you feel going down with a ‘mysterious’ illness and letting them all get on with it. Unless they see sense, don’t duck out of banging a couple of heads together, done in the nicest possible way of course!

AQUARIUS – The Chariot

If you’re travelling far from home, look forward to an interesting holiday season. The preconceived idea of what you thought was on the agenda could be changed; for the better! If you go with the flow and try not to have a fixed programme you will have a wonderful time. Who knows what Santa’s bringing you in this particular sleigh!

PISCES – The Devil

If you disappoint friends or family over the holidays, they will certainly let you feel their displeasure. So, to avoid a ‘ding dong’ so you can carry on ‘merrily’ make sure you fulfil promises made. The devil spells Lived backwards, so in order to avoid this past tense, make sure you’ve done your best. That is all anyone can ask!

Jezza´s Sports Report

  • Jeremy Parmenter

Cricket.

The argument raging at the moment concerns England’s disastrous ODI tour of Sri Lanka which has just ended with a 5-2  series thrashing, and the responsibility to be placed at the feet of current captain Cook’s leadership. As I have said all along Cook is not a great one day player, let alone captain, so he should be left to concentrate on leading the Test side. He hasn’t scored a 50 in nearly 2 years so should be dropped completely and Eoin Morgan made skipper, especially with the World Cup coming up in February.  England have to get their act together, and fast, otherwise we will be the laughing stock of the cricketing world. These aren’t just my thoughts, but those of such esteemed ex-cricketers such as Sir Ian Botham, Michael Vaughan, Nasser Hussain and Mike Atherton so, let’s just see if the England selectors agreed when they had their selection meeting for the WC squad on Friday last!

Footiball

Maybe, just maybe, Liverpool’s win in the league cup signals the shoots of a comeback from their miserable recent form. They advanced to the Semis with a 3-1  win over Championship leaders Bournemouth down on the South coast, which was always going to be a potential banana skin. With the help of a Sterling brace, one after a 52 pass move, they eased in to a two-legged semi with favourites Chelsea who faced a potential slip-up against Derby, but came through with the same scoreline. In the other Quarter Finals, a shock at Bramall Lane as Southampton, in a poor run of form, were knocked out by lower league opposition in the shape of Cup specialists Sheffield Utd Under the leadership of Brian Clough’s son Nigel, their 1-0 win leaves them facing Tottenham following Spurs 4-0 thrashing of Newcastle Utd 4-0 at the Lane.

Lots of important matches to come in the usual hectic Xmas programme which always gives a pointer to potential Title winners and, indeed, relegation candidates Chelsea and Manchester City appear to be breaking away from the rest, with the possible exception of Manchester Utd.

Finally, some interesting draws in the Champions League and Europa Leagues as both are now in to the knockout stages. Man City received the worst news as they now play Barça, Chelsea take on Paris St. Germain, who they beat in last season’s run to the Semis, and Arsenal have the easiest task with the draw pitting them against Monaco.

In the Europa, Tottenham were drawn against Italy’s Fiorentina, CL dropouts Liverpool take on Besiktas, it’s Everton v. Young Boys of Switzerland and Celtic against Italian giants Inter Milan.

That’s it for now, hope you have  a great Christmas and here’s to a wonderful New Year to you all. Bon Nadal i Molts Anys i Bons!

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