saturday-24th

Saturday Night (Easy as a, b, c,)

It’s now the middle of October and Ibiza has moved on from the hectic  20 things to do every day of the summer, to just going out on weekends. It’s a relaxing time of the year for many residents and tourists alike, but you still may have a hankering for a blowout. Never fear, we have your Saturday sorted …

A) Liquid Purple Barliquid-purple-806-copy

In between the Fish bar and the fruit market, Liquid Purple is run by an adventurous team who even delve into the murky depths of chemical gastronomy. That isn’t a euphemism, they actually cook up Heston Blumenthal style.

They’re open for the winter and are well worth checking out, but in the meantime they have a end of season blowout with an Urban Beach Party starting at 7pm. The bar will contain actual sand, the chefs will be cooking up some  interesting and tasty eats, all with a background of balearic beats.

They’re also providing a shuttle service to Ibiza Rocks House, which is pretty bloody nice of them.

B) Pikes

This will no doubt be a roadblock as legit Hollywood A-Lister Idris Elba continues his love affair with Ibiza and music. Expect the best in house music from 10pm until late, and don’t forget that Paco Fernandez will be playing flamenco for diners from 8pm.

There’s a lot of buzz about this night, particularly from the ladies, so with due warning to expect knickers to be flying towards the booth, make sure to get your guestlist sorted through via ibiza rocks house

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ibizan-806_Page_01Fears Grow That Situation May Be “Hopeless for Husbands”

Teams of highly trained counsellors are on standby tonight as fears grow that Ibiza may be facing a mass outbreak in “feelings of  inadequacy“ among the Island men.

The situation has arisen following the return to Ibiza of a Mr Idris Elba, famed for his portrayal of drug lord “Stringer” Bell in hit TV drama The Wire, and BBC One’s Detective John Luther.

Ibiza resident Peter from Birmingham contacted us to say his wife had demanded he take her to the airport to greet Idris.

“Poor bloke was walking through arrivals and she starts throwing her knickers at him. All of them, she’d brought a drawer full, including the set I got her from Primark for her anniversary which I found quite upsetting. I don’t think his girlfriend was any too pleased either. The wife asked me why I couldn’t be more like him.  I told her, I said Margery I’m White, 64, and I don’t know the first thing about being a drug lord.” admitted the bemused Brummie. “Thing was, the poor chap had to queue 45 minutes for a taxi, so Margery went round picking all her knickers up and started throwing them at him again.”

We talked to Dr Judith Spelgrym, top London psychotherapist and author of the study ‘Male eunuchs within a female empowered society focussed on falsehoods in celebrity idealism’, for her opinion on how the men of Ibiza should face the challenges of inadequacy resulting from their wives and girlfriends lusting after the A-Lister’s gusset gear. Speaking from her £500 per hour Harley Street practice Dr Judith said “Phwoar, would I, he could plough me til harvest time.”

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C) Bucanero

For many of us Bucanero is the late night bar. The go to default when you (or to be honest sometimes your wallet) need to move on from wherever you’re at, but you’ve not done partying for the night . The thing you can always rely on for Bucanero is a late late show. Their mission to ensure we all live by the ‘sleep when you die’ philosophy is aided by resident DJ Monkey, a man who last felt sunlight in 1996, and this being closing we wouldn’t be at all surprised if he’ll be scurrying off to his underground lair with little time before dawn sings her chorus—an event likely the get the Bucanero stragglers up and dancing again. The closing comes with special guest DJs Jason Bye, Juanito Chanclas (never heard of him) and Max Viva.

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ABC is our chosen path to glory or disaster, both being distinct possibilities, but you may tread in different footsteps. Perhaps set off from C) if that side of Town, or avoid the crowds with a controversial start at B, but whichever your route this is surely Saturday Night’s ABC, unless ….

This Saturday seems worth travelling for party people wherever they are in Ibiza, but as the last thing we would want to be accused of is being San-An-centric, and as it has one of our fave local heroes playing, for those who prefer to see the sun come up over the sea instead of over a rotund divorcee from Merthyr Tydfil, our prescription is a dose of …

Housepital Pacha

We don’t know who came up with the name, but we know they were not a native English speaker. What seemed to them a clever play on words with the subtle as a leg amputation combination of house, hospital and sexy nurses uniforms, sounds to us like a, well like a clumsy play on words a non-English speaker would come up with.

We’ll forgive them for the name as the line-up looks pretty good for Saturday night at Pacha.  Long-time resident Graham Sahara holds the reins alongside Donaes, Javier Gonzalez and Carlos Jurado.

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