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A Spanish website has published a video of a couple that appear to be engaging in a 69 in a public street.

If you don’t know what a 69 is, we suggest you find something a little less cheap and tacky to read on our website. You won’t like what follows.


Contains Sexual References and Expletives. 

Not suitable for Minors.


 

  • NG 01:09:2017

The web portal, yes another one, ibizaisla.es posted the video on their own youtube channel.

There is no information given on where or how they obtained the video. They are extremely hot on rights protection on their own website, so we can only assume it to be their own film.

The video is probably nonsense. The sort of nonsense that would have broken our 100k website visitors for August had it happened yesterday (i’d have felt dirty this morning though), but nonsense none the less.

The video itself is the sort of ‘good for a laugh’ Friday afternoon fodder for some, and basis of renewed moral outrage at the collapse of society for others.
But either way, to the Ibizan office at least, it feels fabricated.

If it is, it makes the other side of its publication that bit more pathetic.

The video is shot by somebody driving a car down a nondescript backstreet, actually saying to themselves/camera what’s happening in Ibiza, “cosas que pasan en Ibiza”, he says a few times.
Well lo and behold for a man driving along pointing his camera out of a window in the diullest street ever in Ibiza asking what’s happening, would you believe his luck that the next corner he turns there is a couple laying on the floor engaged in oral sex.

But were they? Getting a couple to have 69 in the street might cost a fair old wedge as some kinky special from the back pages of the diario. But you realise that what you actually see is a couple in the correct position to be having sex.

The top one is naked – I think that’s the male, yes i looked again, it is. But my eyesight is shocking – ironically probably connected to watching too many of this type of video. But there are plenty of people desperate enough in Ibiza that would stage a bit of mock public sex for a blue note or two. There are quite a number who’d do it for free. Real or mock. The point I am making is that it wouldn’t be so difficult to stage.

And the couple are spooked by the carm, and jump to put on clothes. The sort of people who would do it, a 69 in a well light public street in the middle of a pavement, wouldn’t be put off by a passing car would they? That’s kind of the point in why they would do it.

If it was staged, and did cost them a few euros, it would be a sound business investment. Chances are you couldn’t get the same amount of visitors if you spent the same on Google or Facebook adverts.

And the article that goes with it? Meh. Just a standard, predictable and really quite boring list of Ibiza’s problems – but now of course they have the trending scapegoat.

“Yeah, lets be all native and love our land and blame the tourists. The tourists that we congratulated our president for signing the deals to bring them here.

Using language that will feel to many of us more at home in Sherlock Holmes’ Victorian London than 2017 on the ‘enlightened’ Island, the writer describes the couple as ‘foreign looking’, and therefore by extension feels quite entitled to get on that ‘what is the island coming to, we have to stop the tourists’ bandwagon. Excuse my French for a moment, but I feel I must say this very forthrightly. Ahem …

‘You’re a fucking tourist web portal you twats’.

Sorry I do apologise, but i figured if you are reading an article about public oral sex you won’t be too shocked by such language, and frankly I think it needed to be pointed out. If it would seem odd for an Island that relies to large extent on tourism to reject tourism, it becomes mind-bafflingly insane for somebody to set up a business solely designed for the fulfilment of tourist business to then start opposing it. Could it be that they only want Spanish tourism? Spanish tourists do no less harm than any others, that would just confirm them as racists as well as idiots.

I suppose there is a possibility it was tongue in cheek. But I don’t think so. Look at their other options on You Tube and they seem to have a clear love of ‘look at the drunk guiri’ videos. They have even watermarked them, so you want be left in any doubt who’s side they are on. That being whichever they think will get them more traction and ‘likes’.

I remember during the ‘drilling no’ campaigns there was a guy really vocal about his opposition. He had the little logo on his fb pic and everything. He actually posted his new gas guzzling V8 with that logo on it. Thick as shit, didn’t even see the connection. For him it was just about the bandwagon, and when a tourism portal with holiday booking options on their website objects to tourists it is as bad if not worse.

Ignorant at every level. Marin Makepeace posted about it yesterday which got a lot of reaction. Though how Martin managed to convey his point without live porn and 4 letter expletives is beyond me. The President of Ibiza proudly announced his achievements at the world tourist fair in London earlier this year. Announcements that included his ‘hope’ that the British would break the million barrier for the first time in 2017. He must be thinking he’s dodged a bullet. I mean who does it make more sense to blame, the person who went and actually signed them up. The person who invited them, enticed the, shmoozed them? Or the poor unwitting tourists who’s interests in local affairs do not extend beyond a wish for a better thane evens chance of a sunny day.

Anyway, you can make up your own mind. And if you haven’t seen enough you can head over to their youtube for such gems as ‘really drunk guiri is really drunk’, and, get this ‘drunk tourists’ to which they have dubbed an ‘oompah band’. Every stagger accompanied by a long trombone note making a wet-your-pants moment of absolute hilarity. Ah, I’ve only just calmed down now.

Of course at the end of the day it doesn’t really matter if the video is faked or not. They have still chosen to use it to help themselves climb up the greasy pole of the saturated portal market by the boring and predictable and, well, a bit, euggh, means of the anti-tourism bandwagon.

We hope that works out for them, but such a shame they do not have the vision to see that taking an opposing stance to the herd may be better for business, not to mention your self respect.

But that’s the trouble with these ‘foreign looking’ people, they wouldn’t be able to work that out, being foreign and all.

And now, all you need to know about sex.

 


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